The day before the internship

Is full of what I term as ‘excitement’ in my life. Been kept busy the whole day doinf stuff that I will never get to do in my free time. It’s as if i’m packing all the activities I wanna do in my only free 16 hours today. So this is what I did:

8.30am – 10am: woke up for breakfast and played my ps2

10am – 12noon: went back for a nap after breakfast (what a pig i am)

12pm – 1pm: chatted on msn with friends far far away in australia

1pm – 2pm: a really slow lunch chomping on my noodles while whining away on tv how man u lost the night before

2pm – 7pm: shopping in town for my working clothes

7pm – 8pm: dinner with family (at last, for the very 1st time this week) and washing the dishes

8pm – 9.30pm: clean up my room and personal grooming

9.30pm – 10pm: blog (i figured out that if i dont blog now i probably will not get the chance to do so until a good few days later)

This is probably the most action packed day to date in my hols so far and i’m already so sleepy by 9.30pm. There’s at least one more thing. I’ve gotta cabal and i’m stuck on the miserable level 35 while getting niao-ed by my brother. He meant well, but i’m getting a lil’ irritated by him by egging me on to play all the time when I have got other things to settle in such a short space of time.

And I did it again. I blew another few hundred dollars on working clothes even before i started work. Well done. Pats.

Mixed feelings for tmr. I went up to cypress to know where it is today and oh yeah…office space aint really super big but still, there’s a lot to look forward to and to learn tmr though:) This is how i’m gonna spend my wondrous summer of 2008, taxing away lol

 

What did I eat?

That was what I had been pondering over the whole day.

Have got a terrible diarrohea and I don’t friggin know how I got it in the first place. Its gotta be one of the places I ate on either monday or tuesday. Not the most glam of illnesses but hey, its really killing me man.

Knees go weak, feel so queasy and I think I’m not allowed to drink more water? Have been drinking water non-stop like a 水桶 and I don’t think I’m getting any better hahas. Guess I’ll probably give the AGM a miss tmr morning and go see the doc if things dont get any better lol.

恍然大悟

是我  一直以來都覺得自己是對的

要到了別人說出口   自己反省過後

才晴天霹靂似的發現自己做的原來都是不恰當的

以爲自己是很了解的   到頭來還不是一樣

什麽東西都不知道

 

開個口來問真的有那麽難嗎

裝聰明並未是好事。。因爲搞到無法對症下藥的效果

有人跟我說過 說出口就要做得到

想想看，也該是時候了實現一下這個承諾了

 

自己也不是個小孩子了。。做什麽事情如果做不好會有人收拾殘局

如今現在的我還會這麽想。。。簡直是非常可笑的事情

會有這種想法的人，往往都會已不負重任的態度對待事情

而後果。。總是以殘局為收場

 

最近發生的事情都讓我覺得自己是個不負責任的人

直沖的個性往往造成自己疏忽了‘最重要的小事’

或許真的應該聽從人家的勸告

或許自己真的是個很爛的人。。得重新出發

 

 

 

Post exam fever

It’s the end of another academic year. Summer lies ahead and this is a very different summer for me, especially when I will be on intern and sort of experience real time work life.

The past experiences over the few days have taught me a lot of things and the biggest take away was probably 承諾. It is not too much of a difficulty to break up and cast all what you had done earlier on to waste. It’s just one small incident in your life that people will change their view of you. It is just that little bit of carelessness that does away all the good things that you had done.

In the meanwhile, I’ve finally started cabaling up to level 23 now but winston aka LingHuChong (what an in game character name) has already started way ahead of me! Wah lan eh….cheaterbug man. Started even before the exams started and end up i have to take his items lol..damn embarrasing man

Club matters are really breathing down my neck and it seems the SAAT just aint wanna give the clubs any room for asset negotiation. I sense BLOOD! Hate emails are probably going to fly all over the place and a war is starting! Just cant wait for the drama to come man wahhahas

The moment before I step out of the house

Woke up to be greeted by DFDs and flowcharts this morning.

As you might have guessed it, yes, I’m working on AIS at the moment. Taking a break from company and personal tax computation questions for a while else I’m really going to go mad with the numbers. Hah, or rather better start getting used to these numbers since I’ll be happily counting away my summer internship with Cypress Singapore in the tax department.

Corporate Finance is pretty much settled, while MPW is still residing in that dark corner, me not knowing how to start with it at all. Speaking of which, I have just recalled that I have to block out a day in week 16 to attend Babcock & Brown’s Structured Finance AGM. Can’t go for archery training then.

Day 3 and counting. Haven’t talked to the old man since sunday and there’s simply no intention to do so. I was not in the wrong and there is simply no good reason why I should apologize to him. Much as I want to talk to him, i’m sorry. I just cannot do it. It’s been like this ever since that fateful saturday afternoon when I was 15.

Should I say the extensive amount of thinking that has taken part over the last few days while I cooped myself up at home was good, or bad? Perhaps it’s really time that I go out of the house.

A slow afternoon

A really lazy afternoon to begin with and I am slogging away at my tax practice questions. Decided to heed 娜’s suggestion and start again with the tax workbook. Hey it works! Can finish my personal tax computation in record time now, albeit with a few errors here and there lol

Well the afternoon could have started earlier if not for the NCAA basketball championship finals on super sports. Really missing my basketball days and of course, coach as well. I’m still missing the days where I will pick the ball from the backcourt, dish it to no. 1, move to the arc and wait for the ball to come back to me while the pick n roll was happening. Get the ball with time winding down the clock to hit the clutch against Hwa Chong JC. That was the only basket I made in that game, but we still lost 44 – 40. That, was my very brief appearance in that game in the National ‘A’ Division Championships 2003.

I wanna pick up my bball again. I wanna return to the court with the guys, burn under the hot sun and toss downtown shots, bodycheck each other under the torrential rain during post up practice during training time. I wanna return to the court where there is only happiness and smiles and where no holds are barred. Will it ever happen again?

____________________

I should really get out of the house tomorrow. I haven’t stepped out of the house ever since yesterday and I think I’m really going mad from thinking too much while I’m alone at home studying. Not as productive today as compared to yesterday, but revision is still pretty much on schedule.

I’m really looking forward to the end of the exams coz there’s simply sooo much to do:

1. 包餃子

2. Get a decent haircut and perm my hair

3. Start gaming on cabal (havent decided on my character)

4. Go to my spa to finish up my remaining sessions

5. Go for my weekly 5km run

6. Sing KTV

7. Buy clothes for work

8. Revisit my mp3 library

9. Catch up with lionel, whom I havent seen for years

10. Plan the archery team summer training programme and workplan for the next academic year

11. At least another 5 more items to do

And all these are to be done in the space of 1.5 weeks hah

 

把柄

被人抓到把柄了。完蛋了。但是。。。

今天感謝你在我的身旁。雖然不是偶然的會面，但不知如何去向時就想到了你。你，也那麽剛巧的看到了我的簡訊。在我最脆弱的這一刻都給你看到了，聽到了。你始終還是在那裏，這一點我都知道。是多麽需要你，心裏也該知道。

感謝你，一直以來都在這裡。

我也會在這裡的。

Thank you

弟弟. When I broke down a while ago you were there to pick me up.

I’m typing this behind your back while you are gaming away..it is not that I do not wish to say this to you in front of you..but its always been our habit not to thank each other for the emotional support we provide to each other. I have not spoke a single word for the whole night and yet you still understand.

The last time you broke down, I was there for you. This time when I broke down, you are here for me.

One day when you read this post, you will know that I have said thank you to you already.

愛哭鬼

起來的清晨不知爲何是那麽的奇怪。會哭？奇怪了。我從來不哭的。我對著事情一向來都是那麽執著，那麽認真的。覺得自己還是那個傻瓜。明明沒事的自己卻還是在那邊一直亂想。主導權早已不再自己的掌控中了，但自己還是在那裏一直懊惱~

會哭，大概是因爲我一直以來尊重的恩師昨晚淩晨三點鐘離開了我們。恩師就像爸，但他給我了比父親還要更父親的關懷。可是我在最後一次的訓練中讓他徹底的失望，而就沒再與他會面了。這幾年來一直想說聲抱歉，但自私的自己就是不應許自己那麽做。恩師病倒不能動時，我也沒勇氣去探望他，只能站在門口默默看著。

吃午餐時看著‘美味關係’裡面的情節 — 賴雅妍喂她父親的那一幕不僅讓我想起我童時日子，那痛苦的回憶，再加上自己其實可以為恩師做到那麽一點點的，但是已經沒機會了。眼淚一直不停流下來，一直哽咽著。我也不想這樣的~但是我還是無法走出那一段的陰影。或許是時候讓自己獨立一些，不要一直依賴周圍人的支持而奮鬥下去。也或許是時候讓別人介入自己的世界，試著讓別人了解自己的心情而不是一直在那裏默默不吭聲，擺出一份帥氣的模樣假裝自己沒事似的。老實説，現在的心情大概只有幾個人會了解吧。

自己總是有個習慣 – 就是很不甘心別人不理會我。你可以罵我也好，打我也好，或者要我做什麽。。。我都會。。因爲我不是那個爲了讓你開心而隱瞞任何事情的人。縂究還是那個傻瓜。會感到很難過，是因爲讓你感到氣餒，生氣。。。而這些不應該是我該做的。感到很抱歉~~但知道只有行動和時間能證明一切。

會哭，的確是為昨晚的事而哭的。這件事，就是恩師離開了我。我到現在，還是無法冷靜下來。

現在的我，很想哭。只想說：“恩師，對不起。”

________________________

現在很想和某人説話。今天下午的通話無法專心講話，是因爲努力控制自己因失去恩師的情緒，不想在捷運裏崩潰。會說不出今早會哭的原因，就是不想打壞你的好心情。哪知你也心情不好了起來，不要説話了。我已經錯過了和一個人說抱歉的機會了。。。不想要此事再重演。你問的那件事，我已經不會很在乎了，因爲你是應該知道的，所以我已經諒解你了。。不要感到愧疚而避開.

沒有生你的氣，所以也不要生我的氣好嗎？真的很想知道你好不好。