In imthinking on January 30, 2008 by vivi
I must really be crazy to still be awake at 3am at this point in time.
Only just completed the internship application forms while rushing to meet the deadline. Mind is in a total blank now and still have to wake up early for training tomorrow morning. I am seriously beginning to wonder if i have superhuman abilities to continue sleeping for 4 hours a day and work non stop for the rest of the day.
Things are happening so quickly lately such that I hardly have any time to chat up with the buddies [sorry dudes and girls ):]. Free time is basically taken up by work and there’s hardly any social life at this rate. Perhaps being the social recluse for this period has made me reflect on the eventful later half of 2007.
Staying in the SMUX room with the crew and talking to them made me wonder more about my team’s dynamics. Was talking to winny about the need to bring the team forward but there hardly seems to be any improvement ever since we took office. SMUX’s ideals are good, but the team simply just cannot function just like the way SMUX is though I do wish for the ‘family’ concept to come about before I leave the team.
While typing the internship application I chanced upon having to relate my experience as the teacher back in Bedok View Secondary School. Looking at the students back then, I do really wonder where they are now? They were never the brightest crop of students but there was something that they were really good at – HAVING FUN. True that while they were not academically inclined, they still knew how to fend for themselves and enjoy the purpose of life. I can still recall that while talking to one of them, one of them actually told me that “You only get to live your youth once. Miss it then too bad lo. Money can always come later.”
Simple words, but difficult to translate into actions for many. Yet this group of students that I taught preached by this ideal and was determined to live out their youth. Just by looking at the wild things they do after school while I was rushing off to work again sent a sense of deja vu through me. I was just like them back in secondary school too! Hanging out in lan shops, pool bars, bowling alleys, parkway parade with the dudes was way too cool.
Teaching them was probably my most satisfying job to date. It’s not about moulding the future of the nation. Rather it is watching these people emerge with their ideals and putting it into action is what really excites me. It wasn’t all about books in classes. Instead, the exchange of experiences and sharing of knowledge with those kids was really enjoyable. The long chats at the benches outside the staff room, staying back in classes for remedials and helping to coach the youth basketball team..all these are little little things in their daily lives yet it actually means a lot to teachers.
Sometimes I really cannot help but wonder, am I really suited for the school life for all my life?
In 人文本子 on January 27, 2008 by vivi
我不是你，所以你要我怎麽做我也不知道。人不能再簡單了，因爲簡單是一種奢求，一種罪過，在這世上是不能被容許的。這沸騰的世界也是逐漸往著畸形發展著，無論是好還是坏的。
在哪個交叉口，哪個橋段，你才能看到自己？什麽時候才能飛，而什麽時候才敢飛？很多時候，一旦起了頭就不會停，因爲是害怕終結的。勇敢是唯一路途，但有多少的堅持去面對？
眼前的那面鏡子，何時的勇氣去親手敲碎它？去正視一碎碎的自己。擁有過的，無論歡笑淚水，都在身上挌下的標記。是為靈魂上的物體，抛也不去，你只能將殘破織得更緊密，站在這暴風雪裏的吹殘下，或者，也能放棄。
累了，停下來？不能停下來，想想看。是否某人問過你有沒有愛過自己？
我是任性的。無論我多放縱，我還是做我自己。世事對我而言都是理所當然的。人之所以可以在天地閒如此特別，受眷戀照顧，都是因爲擁有選擇和決定的權利。自由的意志，擔起責任的勇氣是很大的。但要有牽制的善良放下，需要數倍的勇氣。
正經厤著，都刻在靈魂的心靈上，跟隨而不滅著。一絲絲細小的痕跡日積成爲你，下一次的翻騰，下一波的兇浪，
想讓它綴在哪個角落上？
In imthinking on January 24, 2008 by vivi
Josh and I left SSU AGM halfway for god knows what better stuff. Not that it will affect the team and me too much though, since winston, wilson and miss pang is there to cover for me hahahs
Strolled to the jazz festival at T-square to catch Frequency Vibe’s performance and my goodness they are REALLY that good. Ranging from 1931 swing jazz to bossa nova to ultimately ending off with some latino jazz in the form of ‘marcerena’.
The female lead singer’s voice is so rich and thick at one moment and at the next moment she’s hyping it all up like a latino singer. Male singer is like louis armstrong in one song and rapping off like will.i.am. (he can do it really well) and singing like sergio mendes. Jazz is where all the talented singers are man.
I am so captivated by the jazz and bossa nova tunes in my head that I’ve gone digging for my laura fygi, nat king cole and lisa ono albums.
Only pity was that while the music was really good, the crowd was sparse in numbers. Probably no one has noticed this performance and those that came down were avid jazz lovers in SMU. Guess everyone’s off to mug (while it is still in week 3????) Guess that the arts culture is even worse off than the sports culture here in SMU.
Most importantly, it’s josh’s company for da night that’s great man. We could talk about basketball and future job opportunities all night and seriously, the basketball topic has never stopped since we knew each other in our freshman year. The brother really made my night man.
*WOOSH* (that’s how we always sign off after bball training)
In Uncategorized on January 22, 2008 by vivi
Hell week as early in week 3. Basically won’t get an off day for this week until after next monday night’s tuition is over.
Wednesday – classes till 7pm, then gotta prep for thursday’s class and friday’s quiz
Thursday – classes + SSU AGM till late
Friday – 9am meeting, 12pm class, 5pm prof meeting, 7.30pm tuition
Saturday – Training (full day), prep presentation slides
Sunday – afternoon presentation rehearsal, night mugging
Monday – presentation + 12pm classes, 7.30pm tuition
Didn’t really help when the boss reprimanded me at the workplace today. Said that my doc file is corrupted, actually when the source of the file came from the boss’s computer. Office politics comes in too, when you have a new colleague that actually tries to claim credit all the time and your boss seems to favour him.
So what if i’m earning loads of money at my age? Don’t think I will want to put up with all these nonsense though. Seriously needs time off to rest, period. I just want to lead a normal student life where my life is just revolved around books, friends and my bow.
Most amazing event of the day came when I realised I had to talk to nana while I was working halfway today. Don’t know why though, but it just suddenly came to me. Turns out that yeaps, something did happen but at least that made her feel better though.
The talk on the phone did help, at least for me when this is a hell week:)
In 曲譜 on January 17, 2008 by vivi
時好時坏的氣候
象徵著燦爛的美滿人生
嘗到了這一生的快樂和辛酸
是掌握到了能調整心情的好機會
往出窗外的那一片天空
（雖然）你哭紅了雙眼
你沒有不對
是因爲烏雲沖天陰霾的氣候
暫時使你感到無力和彷徨
緊閉雙眼
聽著大雨的滴點
（Imagine） 一絲絲的煩惱和負擔
在無形的墜落
就會發現是越來越遠，早已去的從前
睜開雙眼
聆聽著風聲
找方向到希望的曙光
給你了翅膀飛翔過憂傷
賜你勇敢與剛強
會發現到大家為你默默的鼓勵
是看不到的
而是感受到的
體會到了你就不再寂寞了
In 曲譜 on January 16, 2008 by vivi
喜歡一個人
有時能讓人有一種暗爽的感覺
有時卻讓人有一種刻骨銘心的痛
尤其當對方一直以來都只把你視爲好友
很想說出來
是怕什麽呢
是怕失去這個好友
還是怕被拒絕而失敗的感覺
異性做好朋友
從來沒有平平淡淡清純的友誼
日舊深情的感覺
難免會在一方浮現的
如果對方很珍惜這份友情
一定不會因輕易放棄的
因爲在她的心裡
雖不是愛，但你也佔了一份很獨特的位置
說出來會讓事情透明一些
因爲朋友之間是不會隱藏什麽事的
雖雙方都明瞭自己要什麽
但會讓單方痛楚一陣
痛楚完了之後
友誼或許還會往前踏了一步
因爲這艱難的関卡
也總算是過了
希望有一天能打動妳的心
而你給我們倆一個機會
一起走上共同歡喜，悲傷的路
所以不會畏懼地從世界的中心呼喚出：
*我很喜歡妳*
This set of literary work is dedicated to you, WH, ah pui.
In imthinking on January 14, 2008 by vivi
It’s been an entire week of life lessons. Not that I really needed it at this point in time but I’ve certainly learnt quite a bit though.
Just learnt that a good friend’s father just passed away recently and it came as a total shock. Not the first time that something like this had happened but this time it came across much more strongly simply coz it’s a good friend.
Steve Jobs mentioned in his Stanford University’s Commencement Speech 2005: you wake up in the morning and think that you are going to live that day as if it was your last and one day you will be darn sure that you are right. Now this is a real wake up call that could not have come at a better time.
Pardon this really confused display of thoughts. Its just too sudden and it’s been a week where emotional challenges of family, friendship and relationships all fell into the wrong side of my life. It didnt really help when people dont reply your sms-es or don’t answer your phone calls while more work comes into your way.
Favours and requests are pouring in relentlessly and I’m really starting to wonder if people around me really think that I can solve all their problems (just like 池袋的真島誠).
Request for lyrics.
Need to confide their problems.
Family education problems that need me to step in to resolve.
Request to cut and style their hair.
Asking me to sort out problems at work.
(the list goes on)
I just need to talk. I am very much a human too.
In Uncategorized on January 11, 2008 by vivi
在這一刻，
試著找你電話不接，即時通也無回應
不知你在何處
是生氣了嗎？
要是真的生氣了，
耽誤了你的時間我是太不應該了。。感到很抱歉
你的那一份好意，我卻沒好好的把握
沒有把你給遺忘了。。一整天就是盼望
*今晚的通話*
朋友的事，我是絕對不會忘掉的
我以爲還來得及
可是我錯了
我就當作是我太遲了
而不再去想得太多了
因爲實在是沒辦法和沒力氣
我所說的每一句
不是什麽花言巧語
而是對信任的人才說的
只希望你能明瞭我的歉意
是無心要讓你感到氣餒
*等待你的回應*
In the roaring on January 10, 2008 by vivi
現在的心情簡直是稱爲F***ing irritated （就好像是那種你最好別來惹我的感覺）。不是要刻意的這麽做而只是希望能給自己冷靜的空間，但又同時希望有人能過來和我聊天。自己還真是麻煩的一個人嘞~
不是說算了就這樣算了，真的煩到那種可以忘我的境界。每次看到那個狀況就是超不爽的，而這幾天頻頻發生的事讓心情起伏 不定。原本是還稍微好一點的心情無意閒就爛透了。真的很不想這樣一直下去因爲實在是很懊惱。只想好好的專心做心裡最摯愛的事。
剛回到傢就接到家長的電話。嫌東嫌西的~算了啦！不賺你的錢還更好過一點，反正又不是要我教的。自私又怎樣~現在的社會就是得先顧好自己的利益才有資格去幫到別人。要不然的話每個人就往你頭上攀爬而你只好默默的受苦。我不想要這樣了~我已經不是以前那種任由人來叫我去幫忙的。拜托先搞清楚狀況好不好~現在是你要來聘請我的，而你的口氣可不可以去稍微檢討一下。不要的話就拉倒，反正我又不是超需要錢的。
這個學期已經不會去顧著拼命去賺錢了。只想要好好的讀書，過個比較像大學生樣的生活，而認識比較多的人。老闆那邊的計劃活動都一一退掉了因爲想要去追求自己想要的東西。其實老實說心裡也不知道最近在做什麽~不知不覺爲何今天會約她出來。對下個星期的約會心裡是充滿了期待和疑惑：期待的是好久沒和她好好的聊，但心裡也是充滿了許多的疑惑。不知道和她出去會有怎樣的感覺 – 是會開心，還是讓自己更痛苦呢？況且還有好多時候她讓我白白的等，而我也是這樣笨笨的等下去。。。是會怕無意閒那種感覺又會回來~
或許自己是沒有戀愛的天份和緣份吧 （現在終于了解小晴那天在msn上所講的）~能為好友解決感情上的問題但卻沒辦法解決自己的。無數的問題我都一一解決，只是無法解開自己心裡的那個結。或許還是有一些事情還無法讓人踏進我的世界，但同時自己也努力著踏出自己的範圍。嘗試給了自己很多的機會和希望，但只發現到了不過是讓自己更失望和痛苦一些。這一切都只是一個很大的謊言罷了！
我已經沒有那種力氣再這樣下去了。我也不再是PEGP的成員了，不要再來找我了。我已經不再是以前的‘小精靈’了。
只想現在解決所有的煩惱而繼續走下去。
In 回憶 on January 9, 2008 by vivi
